2013: The Year of Failure

This post is dedicated to Moms around the world. Having just joined your ranks, lemme tell ya…I have a newfound respect.

Whenever someone calls me a “guru”, I cringe. I remember having a debate with Marc Clarke and Troy Johnson about this – them saying that I was a “juicing guru”, and me rebutting strenuously and almost screaming, “Take that back, dammit!”. To me, a guru is someone who has their stuff together. Whatever their chosen topic, they have mastered it and can emulate it to the T. Y’all may disagree with that definition, but it’s how I feel. Lemme tell you…I’m not that person. Even though I love the concept of health and know the monumental change that fruits and veggies can have on your life and health, I haven’t mastered it. I mean, seriously…what “guru” is going to use the word FAILURE as a post topic and then talk about how they have failed (and hugely) over the past year?

Well, if you think I’m a guru…me. I am. That being said, let me get a little personal and a bit transparent, okay?

2013

2013 has been the hardest year of my life, hands down. Personally, emotionally, physically, financially – on all aspects, it sucked. SUCKED. Now don’t get me wrong. Y’all know I had a baby this year, and he is the absolute love of my life. In addition, my family has come together in a way that was completely unexpected and we’ve grown so much closer because of the little one, and that has been wonderful. Okay. Great. That’s awesome. That being said…THIS YEAR SUCKED.

One of the reasons y’all read this blog is because I’m always honest with you. I was reminded recently that it’s called “Raw Raw LIFE”, not “Raw Raw FOOD”. And this is me, raw and honest.

I had this vision of what the year would bring, what I would do after the baby was born, how the business would progress, how much weight I would lose, how fast I would get to my ideal number on the scale…none of those things happened. Not one. In addition, y’all mothers did NOT warn me about how damn hard this is. I am not one of those people who ever thought they would have children, so I never really prepared for it. This is all new to me, and the reality of how much time and energy this requires and how little sleep or “normalcy” you actually get was completely unexpected. Brass tacks: this is the hardest thing I have ever done and it has shaken me to the core.

Enter Carla Douglin, the stress eater.

Let me go back to that idea of “normalcy”. In my previous life (life before baby), routine was key. I had a drive that couldn’t be matched – I knew what I wanted, where my life was headed, what I wanted to produce and achieve with my business…the whole “1/3/5/10 Year Plan” way of life had my little photo next to the definition in the dictionary. Well, that’s been shot all to hell. My sense of self had been completely turned upside down, my business has slowed to a crawl because I’m too tired to work on it, my house is messy, I’ve GAINED weight and I’ve gotten maybe six full hours of sleep in the last 12 months. Six. SIX, people. These things do not mesh well with healthy eating…at least in my house. They mesh with grabbing anything deep-fried and dipped in chocolate that can be downed in 30 seconds and then being swaddled by a sense of deep guilt and exhaustion.

So, there it is. Ever felt like that?

I think there are folks who may think my journey is easy or perfect or 1+2=3. It’s SO not that, folks…and that’s why I write this out. I write for me, and for everyone who wrestles with life and weight and guilt and the desire to achieve your own sense of perfection, health and happiness. That doesn’t make me a guru. That makes me a girl who’s living life, just like you.

I may go through periods when you don’t hear from me, and when that happens folks, know that I am trying to master wrestling a baby octopus. However, having been through this year with The Bean and getting to a personal low, I’m actually feeling very hopeful and clear about 2014. Being in a place where you don’t want to be actually focuses the mind in ways you wouldn’t believe. In one of my videos, I talk about not wanting my son to remember a fat mommy. No matter how exhausted I’ve been this year, that idea never leaves my mind. No matter how stressed I get, I know the taste of a grapefruit/carrot/ginger juice tastes better than McDonald’s any day. Things may get crazy, but I ain’t crazy. The truth is that I haven’t been raw. I haven’t been vegan or even close…and that reality has made me KNOW that I truly want to be.

So, the next post (which will come out next Thursday and each Thursday from now on) will be about what I look forward to achieving in 2014. For those of you who have hung in there so far, thanks for your support, well wishes and love. It’s been a hard year…and maybe that’s gonna turn out to be the best thing that could have happened for me. Maybe when it all goes wrong, it’s all right.

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24 thoughts on “2013: The Year of Failure

  1. First off, you rock! Be gentle with yourS-elf. We also oft times learn more from failure
    Than success. As she would say “get your butt over to MarieTV (Youtube: Marie Forleo) for inspiring videos to get you and your business back on track…and for some good laughs as well. Also check out Danielle LaPorte’s Credo for Making it Happen
    video on Youtube.

    It is awesome that the Bean is inspiring you. I also invite you to stock up on fruit and any quick grab veggies you enjoy. And as you set your intentions make two of them discipline and consistency.

    Finally my great-newphew DJ is one and a half. You would be amazed at what he understands. Simply have a quiet chat with the Bean telling them what you need from them. For instance: one day a few months back my mom was looking after DJ and he needed his diaper changed. She said to him “I am too old to run after you; come lay down and so that I can change your diaper” and he quietly came over and did so. Give this strategy a go.

    Wishing you peace of mind.
    Love and Respect,
    Tamiko

  2. Sending you all my love and hugs to your family. Hope your Christmas was good at least. Don’t feel too down, I’ve been so wrapped up in my new job that my blog has been suffering as well. Let’s both make a new year the time for commitment!

    Love & Good Vibes!

  3. Congratulations on new baby.! As far as you being a ‘guru’ I must agree with the rest of the readers. I have learned so much for you in the past 2 years, I consider you with a person with great knowledge of juicing and eating.I have been doing so well with the juicing and the eating that my health has improved 3 fold.I just want to say thanks and good luck with the little one.

  4. It’s not how many times you fall that counts; it’s how many times you get up. Keep getting up and you win. Instead of focusing on being the “perfect” mom, focus on raising the “perfect” child – loving, caring, honest, compassionate… How many people remember what size clothes their mother wore (or what her jobs were)? But how many remember the love, or lack thereof, that they were raised with? (hint: everyone!)
    Thanks for the honesty and the inspiration,

  5. Hello Carla,

    Thank you for your ‘raw’ honesty. Life IS hard and I don’t think there is anyone out there that can honestly say differently. I began following your posts a little over a year ago. I have dabbled in the juicing world off and one since that time and like you have had many challenges thrown in my way as well. But through that time I have learned so much about myself. Your juicing facts, helpful tips, along with real life challenges all served as motivation for me.

    I recently heard an ancient Japanese proverb “Nana korobi ya oki” which means “Fall down seven, get up eight.” I find this simple mindset helpful for me when I feel like I’ve failed or am overwhelmed. During my low times I make no promises about the future other than getting up one more time.

    So thank you Carla for your honesty, your humor, your motivation…and for getting back up again.

    I’m looking forward to partnering with you for a healthier 2014.

    God Bless, Tammy

  6. Hi Carla!
    I missed you!!! I’m so glad to here from you. Your self-awareness is so refreshing and encouraging and always spot-on! We just have to keep getting up and keep praying for the strength to overcome our challenges completely…with finality. Being a mother is an awesome blessing but as you have learned, it’s like the hardest job ever. Your wants and desires to be the best, can also be a stumbling block when we don’t balance them with reality. Be strong, be focused and be good to yourself. If you wouldn’t do it to The Bean, don’t do it to Carla! Peace and Blessings.

  7. Every day is an opportunity to do better than the day before. Be gentle with yourself! Becoming a mother is a gift! Learning to put yourself first while being a mother is the Championship match. It’s a process, just like everything else in life. You can do it and you’ll be great! I have found the thing to do when life is overwhelming is to delegate. House a mess? Hire a cleaning person at least twice a month. Can’t get to the grocery store? Have things delivered. Grabbing fatty snacks instead of nourishing food? Make sure there are always nuts, fresh strawberries, dried fruit, etc. to pop in your mouth when you need something. Everything is doable. It doesn’t all have to be done by you all the time. Here’s to a fabulous 2014!!!

  8. Wow your human!!! I love that you just picked back up and told your story, we all have one. I myself am the girl that has bought all the books for a number of ways to get healthy. The Young and Raw juicing program. I bought like $300 worth of the Paleo diet books.I have done all the research, have spent $1000’s of dollars and have a ton of knowledge and have not done a god damn thing with it. Now we just bought an Elliptical and I was diagnosed with Pre-Diabetes and High Blood Pressure by my Dr. who by the way did nothing about it acted like it was no big deal. I have to make the changes this year, I am at my biggest weight ever at 260lbs. and being now 45 years old I need to get healthy. I myself over the past 4 years have let myself go. Good luck on your journey you have a lot of people and support on here so don’t give up I haven’t.

  9. I am so grateful for someone who has stunning success followed by a relapse. I thought I was the only one. I’ve had such a struggle with this…with juicing, with weight, with starting over time after time after time. I guess there is, for some of us anyway, no such thing as having “finally” beaten the beast.

    Here’s to a new year and many more victorious days than days of defeat. Thank you for your honestly, Carla. I find you so much MORE credible since you’re someone who didn’t breeze through a juice fast and find your life — and lifestyle — magically changed forever.

  10. Hey Carla! It is funny that you should post this today. I realized just yesterday that I had not read a post from you in quite sometime. I assumed that you were simply enjoying some mommy-and-me time with The Bean. However, judging from this post, I see it’s not quite that way. Let me assure you (from one mom to another) that you are doing an AWESOME job!!! As women, we are so hard on ourselves. We put the world on our shoulders then wonder why our knees buckle under the pressure. We are NOT Superwoman! One thing I realized (later than sooner), which I hope will help you…Superwoman didn’t have a husband, children, dinner to make, house to clean, company to run, brand to build, or health/fitness to maintain. You know why? She wasn’t real! (Lol). Not too long ago, when I too felt like I was failing, I wrote a blog which I encourage you to read:
    http://sondramlancaster.com/2013/11/ready-to-start-again/

    I wish you and The Bean, a happy and blessed New Year!

  11. Welcome back Carla,

    I echo what the others have already said, and will only add- while life may be hard at times, we have to trust that with faith, determination and hard work, we will overcome Any obstacle. Motherhood is one of the most important and amazing gifts bestowed on a woman, and with it also comes unforeseen challenges. Ask God and your ‘village’ for help- No one does it alone.

    Finally, I’m sure I speak for many when I say, We Miss You and look forward to spending time in 2014 with You.

    Happy Holidays to you, the Bean and your family,
    Montez

  12. Dear Carla,
    If only you knew how frequently I think about you. Sooooo glad to her from you. I’m truly grateful to you for your honestly and raw truth. I can’t wait to hear from you every Thursday.
    All the best to you in 2014!

  13. Carla,
    You are doing just fine. It will all come together trust me. I had my sons back to back (15 months apart) and I thought at one point I was going to lose my mind LOL. My youngest was also diagnosed with autism, so you can imagine! But it worked out and I believe everything I went through made me a better person, friend and mother. Hang in there……it’ll get easier.
    Kisses and Hugs!

  14. You’re human. Welcome back! Thanks for being you and keeping it 100. Stay focused. Continue To pursue your dreams and keep moving forward. Look forward to seeing RAw Raw in 2014!

  15. Sending love as usual but also encouragement. Everyone has tough times in life and we manage to get through them with important life lessons learned. The Bean is amazing but lots of work in these early months. Things will change and get better because they always do. We are all on your side and want the very best for you and yours. Thanks for the honesty and keep us posted on your life in 2014-Bevo

  16. Welcome back Carla! Happy Holidays!!! So glad you are back… In this world full of fake people we NEED you! Because you will keep it real! Whether it’s good, bad, or ugly. We always can count on you being real. Your fans/followers will be there no matter what. I can agree with you about motherhood. I’m a single mother of an autistic child. The struggle is real, but I’m doing it by the grace of God. Looking forward to seeing what 2014 is going to bring… Wishing you and the Bean the best!!

  17. Hang in there, Carla. My two kiddos are 9 and 6 now and I will tell you, to steal a catchphrase, it gets better. Those early years were definitely the hardest of my life but also the most rewarding. And not just how most people mean children are rewarding. Yes, it was amazing watching them grow and delight in the world, but it was also rewarding because, oh my god, I got through it! And I learned a ton about myself. And I keep learning and growing with them. And failing. A lot. But you know that you have to fail to learn, right? New brain research tells us that if we’re not failing, we’re not actually learning anything. That’s the thing I tell myself and my kids when we mess up… “Wow, we sure screwed up… what does that mean? Our brains are growing!” Anyway, know you are not alone and that you have made a huge difference in the lives of so many. You rock, Carla. And thanks for being so raw. :D

  18. Carla what you just went thru is called life and hormonal changes that happen with having your first child. You are way too hard on yourself. A couple of positives stood out to me in your post one being your family became closer Yeah! What a blessing! Second you learned that you are human and that life as you knew it pre “the bean” has changed and that’s okay too. And the most important is the baby boy himself has added such a depth in your life that you never expected to love soo deep, care soo much knew that you were capable of such a thing as a six hour sleep night. Motherhood is 24/7 even if you are sick and feeling blue as a mom you keep it moving. You will be okay. You are where I was with my first child now three children later I’m about to be an empty nester. Continue to be who you are transparent and grow into your new role mistakes are bound to happen…don’t worry you have family there to support you, love on you, and support you and the bean. Much love sent your way and continue on your raw journey into motherhood because the rewards are Priceless!

  19. I’m a mother and grandmother. I live with a 4 year old grandson and 6 year old granddaughter. I want to clean but I’m tired. I want to go shopping but I want to take a nap. I want to go wash clothes but maybe tomorrow. I feel I was a very good teacher of my 2 daughters. They are both smart. I want to work my business and I start nodding. I want to read my bible and my mind wanders. I’m typing at my computer and I fall asleep. My mind is telling me yes but my body is telling me no! I want to go to the bathroom without a following. Sometimes I want to eat my food without sharing. I want peace and quiet. I don’t want toys thrown around. I don’t want fights. I don’t want things broken. I want to walk without stepping on a toy. My family tells me I put everybody and everything before me and my family. People ask me to preach, teach Sunday school, or do some work for the church I don’t say no. My friends and family told me learn to say no. God help me!

    • I hear you, my darling. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come clean on the blog…so other people who felt the same way realize they aren’t alone! We can all get through it, hon. I know we can.

  20. Hi. Thanks for your post. My boyfriend shared it with me. I can relate. 2013 was survival mode for me, as the mom of a 3 year old. Just last week I finally rededicated myself to fitness after a multi/year hiatus.

    Your rawness and perseverance will aid you greatly. Keep striving! Much love…

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